Blueberry Cottage February News!

 Dear Readers,

A very happy February to you and yours! Where in the world did January go?! My, I have indeed missed this space, but with that said, I have gotten quite a bit accomplished and find myself focused on my days as a wife, mother, and homemaker flowing much smoother.  I do have a few things to share and hope you will enjoy them. 

Before I went to monthly blogging I had asked if anyone had a topic they would like taken under consideration. Well, a sweet lady named Amy wrote to me and asked if I may explore how one might care for a very ill spouse while still trying to stay home and homeschool. A tough one for sure! It took alot of praying and my husband and I sat and discussed this at some length. I pray this will bless anyone who finds themselves in these circumstances. Please know we are not experts and we're just sharing what came to our hearts after reading the emails I exchanged with Amy.  Amy's words will be highlighted in blue.

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A KEEPER AT HOME IN THE MIDST OF ILLNESS

Hello! I have been a follower of your blog for a few years now. Lately a big question has been knocking on my heart's door. Without making this too long, suffice it to say after a young adulthood of"career" (public school teacher) and becoming a mother finally at 40, deciding to homeschool and homecare and truly believing this is where I ought to be and where I want to be...I now find myself with a very chronically ill husband who is unable to work and a child with many mild/moderate physical issues that are quite demanding timewise as well as love-wise. Iam find myself wondering over and over again how the whole Titus 2 woman idea applies to those who find themselves severely pressured to leave their homes and find work, due to illness or death of their husbands. And how does one take care of a sick husband and child if one is at work??
 When I pray for guidance regarding doing what "society" seems to say I should...ie., get a "real" job, all I see/feel/receive is blankness...not even darkness, just nothing. I can not tell if this is because I want with all my heart to avoid leaving home or even having employment take up my precious home time or because it is truly a sign that I am not to pursue it. I know you can not advise me on this specifically and I am not asking you to, but I am wondering if you have any thoughts to share re. Titus 2 concepts when circumstances seem to be pushing a woman to work for pay outside of caring for family/home who need her. Perhaps this topic would interest others...

Thank you for your time and blessings on your work,

Amy

This dear lady's family is in need of help.  Amy and I have exchanged emails and I have some further details on her situation. Most of our conversations will remain private in order to protect her privacy.  I also will not share the nature of her husband's illness nor her daughters.  This is not to keep anyone guessing , but simply, it helps one not compare their own situation to anothers.  The apostle Paul never shared his "thorn in the side" that he asked God to remove. I believe this is so that we may never compare our own physical limitations or ailments to his. We know he suffered yet till persevered preaching the gospel. 

Let's review Titus 2:4-5:

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,  to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. (NLT)

 Paul, in his letter to Titus, is instructing him on how to communicate to his congregation the importance of their divine roles in home and society.  Since we know Scripture is given by God we can also be certain that God wants a woman in the home and subjective to her own husband.  There isn't another soul capable of running your home and loving your children.

We live in a society where homes are empty, extended families are often not even in the same geographical location and the pressure for women to work outside of the home is sometimes fierce.  Gone are the days when extended family could help take care of each other. That is a rarity these days.  Even sick school children don't have a kindly grandmother to stay home with while mum works, because grandma is also out working!  Our churches are the next place to secure help, right? Well, with most of the women in our churches are working, how can they be expected to help someone like Amy. If they are unable to find time to cook when they come home exhausted, I don't think they'll be able to fit cooking a meal for another into an already busy day. Please, ladies, let us not cave to the dictates of our current society. What God wants us to do is far more important! It matters what He thinks of us, not what a relative or neighbor thinks we should be doing.

  With all this said, my husband and I think it is extremely important for a wife to stay in the home to take care of a sick husband at all costs. Of course, if the husband desires the wife to seek outside employment then she should defer to him as her head. This is an area for prayer should this happen. What we would advise here is alot of prayer, the husband and wife constantly seeking the will of the Father.   

Family is sporadically helpful but it is unpredictable and they are far away and full of their own health problems...us being older parents and all. Church people are great and want to help but here is where I have my biggest heart/prayer challenge. How can I ask others to help us to the extent that enables me to stay home and homeschool my child when those others send their own kids to daycare/schools or see my choice as pure (and perhaps crazy and selfish) luxury? It just doesn't sit well with me at all, so I am confused.

Again, I would reiterate that what others think is much less important in comparison to what God thinks.  Hopefully, Amy won't find condemnation from her church family. Staying home to care for a sick spouse is not a luxury , it is a sacrifice.   If confronted with what she fears others are  thinking, she might tell them of all the impracticalities of her working at this difficult time. This could also be a time to share her and her husband's convictions regarding being a keeper at home. If this can't be accepted it might be best to gratefully thank the others for their help, but decline further offers. Amy and her husband wouldn't need the added stress of dealing with others judgements. Yet, if your church family is willing to pitch in gratefully accept it! We are to love and serve one another as Christ served the church!

That's why you must encourage and help each other, just as you are already doing.

~1 Thessalonians 5:11 (CEV)

 My biggest reasons for homeschooling are moral, health and spiritual in nature, but those ideas tend to get belittled in the modern world. I pray daily about this and so far we have not gone underwater, though our savings are dwindling to very very little wiggle room - a few months at best. On the other hand, we are staying afloat. So do I just carry on trying to care for my husband and my daughter(who just broke her arm!), hoping all will be provided or is that selfish and lazy?

Yes, carry on caring for your husband and daughter! This is neither selfish or lazy. This is your divine calling. 

With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort.

~1Corinthians 15:58 (MSG)

My husband and I wanted to share some practical helps.  Eight years ago I suffered an amniotic fluid embolis. My husband had to take a leave of absence from work for two months to care for me. We did have a loving family to help us, for that we are truly thankful. Also, we had church family that offered to cook and clean.  My huband is very fortunate to have short term disability in place for family. He was able to take the time off paid and without penalty.  But, not everyone has family to help nor the financial security.  We understand this and offer a few suggestions. 

• Before depleting savings, retirement funds or the like, consider the possibility of downsizing. If your mortgage is too high consider selling and renting for a time. Perhaps a family member can allow you to stay with them, if things are very bad.
• Downsize in all areas of your present budget. If you have two cars and loans get rid of the loans and use one car. Get super frugal so you can save every penny.
• Don't feel guilty about applying for aid. You have paid into this system and when a tradgedy strikes there is no shame in using these systems to help you get through a difficult time.  You have rendered what is Ceasar's and Ceasar has these systems in place to help.  Social security benefits, food stamps and the like are resources to consider.
• Let your church family know you need help. If they are willing to help you then let them. One day another family may need your help. 
•  If you have family that can also help, let them. Families should operate this way.
• In Amy's case she does have a degree in teaching. Do you have a skill or knowledge in an area that you can share right at home, such as tutoring. Homeschool groups are always forming co-ops and may need a professional teacher to instruct in highter maths and sciences. 
• Are you able to share your business or trade through an e-book, offering tips and insights to the trade. If physically unable to work perhaps private consulting or teaching in a trade school or through an adult evening education program. 
• Apply for benefits with hospitals to help with co-pays and medical bills. Most hospitals have hardship case benefits. Never neglect the medical care you need to save a buck, talk to the doctors and administrators. Some docs will work pro bono if they know your situation.  Hospital administrators can offer payment plans and deferments.
• Seek help from naturopaths and holistic heatlh providers. They will often work with you regarding payment plans and insurance and disability claims. Some may even barter with you for a trade of skills.
• For the caregiver, don't neglect your own spiritual and physical health. Stay constant in God's word and take quiet time to pray and study.  If someone offers to stay with your spouse while you "get some air", take them up on it.  Meet a friend for coffee, go for a walk, just get out a bit. 

Amy would welcome any suggestions you may have to offer, feel free to leave a comment.  Please pray for her and her precious family as they seek to do the Lord's will and pray for health to be restored and God receive the glory!

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Kids Kreate!

There has been alot of tracing, cutting, stitching, glueing, glittering and the like going on around here. All good I tell ya! Nothing makes me happier than to have a little voice asking me what can we make Mum. Lydia embroidered four pillows and gave them to her nieces and nephews. For a couple of weeks the floor was sporting little emboidery threads of all colors.

She did everything, including the stuffing.

And there has been a whole lot of making  in other crafting areas too! Jewelry, but I will show you that later...hehehehe... But, there are Valentine's Day Cards ready to go.  Each year my Tasha Tudor group,  Take Peace  has an exchange we call The Sparrow Post. I was busy making my contribution and you can see Lydia jumped on the bandwagon to get some done too. Hers are for all the little ladies in the nursing home we visit. We buy them a pink carnation with a bit of baby's breath and give them the handmade card, oh my, you may think you gave those gals the moon they are so appreciative! Lydia loves blessing them with her handmades:-)

 Here are some of her Valentine's waiting to get wrapped.  You gotta love the outfit. She informed me that nobody matches their clothes these days. Ahem....

These are some of my Valentine's ready to be posted to my kindred spirits. Oh, the most lovely Valentine's I receive for myself and Annabelle from this group. So many artistic folks!

The little cards are for other folks Annabelle dolls, bear families and the like. Yes, we get a bit child-like in this, much the same as Tasha Tudor did. The little cards were from Tasha Tudor's Jenny Wrenn Press. They are replicas of miniature Valentine's she painted for her childrens doll and bear families. Aren't they darlin'! I have a whole bunch of them:-)

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Birthdays!

This is a picture of me and my daughter Jillian. We share birthdays this month within two days of each other. Our birthdays were simply wonderful! We both love Italian food and our favorite cake is coconut and we loooove mounds bars so I always make my dear friend Angelia's Mounds Bar Cake. You gotta try it, it is delicious! Now, plan on adding some calories and sugar to your diet if you make and eat this...LOL!

I dont' care how old my children get, I still love to spoil them a bit on their birthday and create memories for when I am no longer with them. I always make them their favorite dinner and cake and a few presents are a joy to give and receive.

 I may pop in before March as I have knitting to show, a very sweet giveaway and more kids kreations, Lord willing. Until then, take care and keep loving your families!
And may God bless you, dear reader, as you seek to do His will and be the best wife, mum and homemaker you aspire to be.

 Blessings~Suzanne